My hands were shaking like a leaf in the wind.
My heart was pounding in my chest like a drummer beating her sticks against her drum.
I hit the Facebook Live button with a feeling of nervous energy.
You see after last week’s Facebook Live on ‘When you’re jealous and have anxiety’ I had so many people inbox me to tell me how much the tips helped.
There was also one from my ex.
And you know what it rattled me.
It peeled back the wound just a little bit further, knocking the scab a little and making it ooze just a little bit more.
So when I got onto the Facebook Live I was a little nervous.
Nervous, that he might watch it and judge what I had to say.
Nervous, that maybe I should just stop talking about it and process it internally, but I had tried that before and it always ended up like a shaken up bottle of ginger beer. You know, ready to explode and just make a giant mess everywhere.
It’s no good on the ground, and it isn’t of any use.
So I got on and I spoke my little heart out on the 1 thing that helps shame melt away like butter on a hot summer’s day.
It’s to share your story.
Famous shame researcher Brene Brown says that for shame to exist is to hide our stories. We need to share them in order to build our shame resilience up.
Perhaps you’re here and you’ve been hiding some secrets. A lot of women with anxiety start with secrets before it eventually turns into full blown anxiety.
Maybe you were told by a partner that no one would ever love you, so you don’t ever put yourself out there to date. Maybe, he does know me better than anyone?
I’m too old to even make a difference.
I could never trust a man again after being abused.
My addictions have found me without any family and friends but I’m doing so much better now. Will anyone trust me?
I throw myself into my work to cover my pain, will I ever be able to slow down?
I don’t want to be overweight but it keeps me safe. That way nobody will want me.
If I work really hard, then maybe I can prove to them I really can do it, just to prove them wrong.
Do not let your voice be silenced!
Do not let those who have abused you, shamed you, made you feel abandoned, continue to rule your life any more.
Start speaking your stories.
Start with one safe person.
The day I went to counselling to share with one of my safe people the feelings I was having surrounding this new email was so liberating.
I cried so many tears, they cascaded down my face like a rushing waterfall.
That night I went to yoga and my instructor got everyone to do a forgiveness visualization.
He got us to imagine that we were on a throne and that our loved ones were surrounding us. He then invited us to think of one person who had hurt us and to invite them into the circle with the rest of the loved ones.
I felt my mouth purse up.
I couldn’t do that.
I couldn’t allow him to come into my safe space.
So I walked to the outside of my circle. I placed my hand on his heart and said ‘I forgive you.’
I shared my story with the yoga instructor and he gave me a huge hug.
And in that moment I felt heard.
Right now, you may not feel like forgiving that person that has hurt you.
After all, hurt people tend to hurt people.
But what you can do, is start by releasing the control they have over you and start sharing your story vulnerably, in all of it rawness.
And see if as you tell the story you feel your anxiety melt away a little.
You are sitting on a throne. You are a daughter of a King. So loved by the God of this universe.
He was there in your story.
Crying alongside with you.
And I know, I know, none of that may even make sense. Why wouldn’t he step into your situation to save you from it?
I don’t have the answer for that.
I don’t even have the answer for my own why’s in my own situation.
But what I do know is that the more I tell my story, the more the tears are shed, the more I have grown and the more it has touched others’ lives in the process.
In the movie Labyrinth (you know the one where David Bowie is wearing those sexy white tights *sarcasm*) , where Sarah goes to get her baby brother Toby back from the Goblin King, she says to him:
‘You have no power over me.’
It is time for you to say to whatever has kicked your anxiety into full gear ‘you have no power over me.’ And to do that it starts by telling your story.
Who will you tell your story to today?
If you want to be able to tell your story and own it in a way that sees you living a life free of anxiety than email me: firstname.lastname@example.org. There’s nothing like feeling the weight of that emotional elephant removed from your chest, so that you can think more clearly about the things that matter. You’ll be able to learn how to listen to what you actually want, rather than the voice of others who have spoken negativity into your life. I’d love to help.
Let me know below if telling your story has ever helped you alleviate your anxiety and please share the post using the buttons below if you loved it.