I sat there at the wooden desk, shoulders slumped, tired eyes drooping and stubby crayons on hand. The counselor sat to my left, asking me to fill out the timeline of events to do with my ex and his disappearances.

Hurriedly, I picked up the crayons and scrawled a brain (which very much looked like a cauliflower). Above the brain, I drew a hand trying to pluck question marks over the brain.

“What’s going on here?” she curiously asked.

“It’s me trying to retrieve stuff from that time out of my brain, but I just can’t get the memories out. It’s just so foggy.”

(more…)

Invisible. Unseen.

It can feel that way sometimes can’t it?

I’ve been blogging for over 2 years now and regularly posting and yet when I look around me there seems to be others who started after me streaming ahead.

I get frustrated. I wonder if whether it’s all worth it: investing money without any returns and time out of my day writing and planning.

In between my 2 days of teaching work, watching an 11 month old, being wife, friend to others and a coach I find pockets of time to sleep and catch up on chores.

It’s exhausting.

(more…)

You open your diary and what do you see?  A full, bursting out of the seams calendar full of events and appointments. You’ve got your mum’s 60^th, a friend’s hen’s night and that all important half leg wax (you know because all that time you thought you had a loose thread on your skirt but it ummm wasn’t that at all).

You sigh as you take 2 Panadeine Forte tablets. You’re in pain and soooo dog gone tired. Just thinking about going to those events was enough to give you that hammer in the head throbbing headache.

(more…)

I’ve got nothing to give right now. The past week I’ve had a cold and gastro I also returned back to my teaching job 2 days a week all while still making sure this website gets a bit of love.

It’s hard juggling it all isn’t it? You already go to work with an empty cup. Your eyes are burning with tiredness; your head is throbbing and feels like someone is beating a drum back there.

You get to your desk and look at your ever expanding to do list. Your inbox is full to the brim with requests from the boss, bills to pay and the odd self-help newsletter.

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Christmas 2003. Oh, I remember it well. It was the first time my (now ex ) husband disappeared. He’d been acting weird that morning. Told me he loved me and looked into my eyes that little bit longer (not in a longing way, but a foreboding way). Even now as I retell the story, it is so obvious things in my marriage were not right.

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