Invisible. Unseen.
It can feel that way sometimes can’t it?
I’ve been blogging for over 2 years now and regularly posting and yet when I look around me there seems to be others who started after me streaming ahead.
I get frustrated. I wonder if whether it’s all worth it: investing money without any returns and time out of my day writing and planning.
In between my 2 days of teaching work, watching an 11 month old, being wife, friend to others and a coach I find pockets of time to sleep and catch up on chores.
It’s exhausting.
Comparing my journey to other people’s journey is draining. In my mind I know they’ve been working hard behind the scenes but the other part of me thinks I’m just not that popular. I question what I am writing, whether my message is too controversial and I dial it down.
I have my pity party (all while singing Eric Carmen’s ‘all by myself’) and I move on. I keep moving.
You’ve felt that way too hey? Invisible. You work so darn hard but no one is there to pat you on the back and say well done. You put yourself out there but you don’t get prizes, offers to collaborate on that super cool project and you may even want to be interviewed.
You work hard but of course your baby can’t express their thanks to you… (well not in the way you’re expecting).
And that comment that your old high school friend said to you at the shops about ‘What are you doing with yourself these days?’ made you get the flushes (and not the good kind). You end up justifying what you are currently doing or play small by saying ‘I’ve got a little biz on the side,’ ‘I’m just a mum’ or ‘I’ll go back to university after I’ve finished having kids.’
You walk away feeling like where you are at right now isn’t enough. You’re trapped in thinking that ‘if I had done this I’d be recognised’ or perhaps you have people tell you ‘you are so strong’ so you feel like you have to be that and not externalise that internal meltdown you’re currently having.
Damn it, why am I so hard on myself!
Others are doing sooooo well and as much as you love them it annoys you so bad (like that time you missed out on that New Kids on the Block ticket back in the 90’s hey ladies?).
You want to be seen. It sucks doing stuff for what feels like no returns.
The compare and despair monster is out and about and rampaging in your mind.
Her sugar cookies are so Pintrest worthy and mine are more like Pintrest Fail Whales.
How come she got promoted? Why aren’t I as successful as her?
And you wonder why you feel so unseen, unheard and so darn unhappy.
So what do you do? You pretend like everything is all ok. You don’t acknowledge why your mind is throwing these mean girl thoughts at you. Instead you make comments like ‘Oh I’m just making excuses.’
I think it is deeper than that.
But what if being seen isn’t all its cracked up to be anyways?
What if you just did your thing (write, start that biz, invested in that course), just because it made you feel good. You know you did it not for praise of others but just cause it felt sooooo amazing. (Like that time you made that soufflé and it actually turned out).
// Amazing like when you finally got those steps at hip hop class…
// Amazing like saying ‘screw it’ to that green juice and drinking the full cream, double shot cappuccino.
// Amazing like knowing your words actually matter. Not because someone reads them but purely because you created them and you poured love and soul into it.
‘Love and soul’ you pfft at me. That shiz doesn’t pay the bills.
Yeah I get that but it’s what love and soul does for you.
// It makes you sleep instead of write when you are tired.
// It makes you stand in your power and ask for a raise.
// It makes you admit your drowning in a river of tears because looking after a baby 24/7 is so f*king draining!
// It makes you write and not give a damn about what others think.
And because you don’t care what others think, you start to not care whether you’re seen or not. It doesn’t bother you whether you get that internationally claimed award or not because you are on such a high not giving a flip that you actually can do anything you want.
Screw being seen. Screw the accolades and awards.
Comparisonitis is a bitch. Let her roam somewhere else and don’t let her dump on your lawn. Freaking use that shit to fertilise your life. Use it to grow yourself, to help yourself stand in your power.
Like a seed when it is planted it remains unseen until it is watered and nurtured. Then it grows and flourishes in true beauty. And you girl are just that beauty.
If you want to know how to fertilise your lawn (discover what you need to do to build that biz, stop looking outside of yourself to be happy, find your voice), and grow get on a call with me: thebutterflyhouse@dianabraybrooke.com.
Stay tuned for a free group coaching call to help with this very topic coming up soon. (It even includes a workbook! Squeal). Get on the mailing list to be the first to find out. Spots strictly limited. Pop your details into the newsletter box below. I promise I won’t spam you or sell on your details.
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