So… I’m a social butterfly. Well… usually… Sure. I like my moments of quiet, but I’m not very good at the whole meditation thing. One minute I’m sitting there quietly…and then I’ll think about the poor plants in the garden which haven’t been watered for a month. Before you know it I’m out there trying to revive their limp looking lifeless leaves. Thanks to Elle Griffin in her blog post “Must I meditate” I feel less guilty now. I love this particular quote from her blog post:
“God doesn’t just meet us in silence, but in sequins. And women were designed to dazzle. So no, we don’t have to meditate to awaken to our soul, to meet God, to understand our soul’s purpose. We can do it the feminine way. The kind of way that feels a little bit more like drinking champagne and a little bit less like burning incense.”
Isn’t that beautiful?
You see I injured my knee nearly three weeks ago. I’d love to say it was for something heroic. I guess it could be…somewhat… Anyways I went in for a tackle during a game of hockey and I felt my knee give way. Then the searing pain. The golf cart came. I tried to get onto the cart and my knee buckled. It was all really quite glamorous.
The orthopaedic specialist said to me: “You’ve done the worst possible thing you can do to your knee.” That’s right….the worst… I did a trifecta. My ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) has ruptured, my meniscus torn and parts of my patella has shattered. I will be having ACL reconstruction surgery using my hamstring and will have 8 -9 months rehabilitation. Even my knee is angry about this. The doctor said: “I can’t operate for at least two more weeks. Your knee is too angry. It doesn’t want to do anything.” Even my body parts are stubborn!
So what do I do?
REST, LEARN, DISCOVER
It’s only been 3 weeks and I feel like I’m going crazy. An extrovert’s worse nightmare is to be housebound. So I asked myself the question: ‘What is the lesson to be learnt here God?’
The answer was a resounding: Rest on me… Learn… Discover…
SO WHAT HAVE I DONE?
- Studied anatomy, physiology and chemistry for my naturopathy and nutrition degree.
- Planned lessons for my high school students and thought about creative ways to interact with them.
- Pretended my crutches were guns…(Aww c’mon…I’m not violent…nor was I aiming at anyone in particular…I just think all this time to myself is….challenging me).
- Dreamed about participating in the ‘Beautiful You Life Coaching academy’ in June. Cue beautiful, intuitive women: Melissa Ambrosini, Julie Parker, Rachel McDonald.
- Made bliss balls from Nat Kringoudis’ Fertilise Yourself Website.
- Journalled and read through Claire Obeid’s “Get out of your own way” e-book.
- Continued to work on my new year’s resolution ‘Do something that scares you.’
DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU!
Say what? I know…I know…. We all have things that completely freak us out. A couple of weeks ago I won a life coaching session with the gorgeous Elle Griffin. Her first question to me was: “What are you afraid God is going to tell you?” I knew exactly the answer to her question in that moment….. but then I went “I’ll have to pray about it” and busied myself.
Anyone a believer of signs? You know the kind where you go “If I’m meant to get to this meeting make the lights go green?” Well that particular night one of the girls from our small group gave me a book called “Becoming myself. Embracing God’s dream of you” by Stasi Eldredge. I started to read it and came across the chapter “Who do you think you are? Our identity in Christ.” AAAAHHH!!! So in answer to Elle’s question I replied:
“I’m afraid God is going to tell me to quit teaching.” I spent 10 years doing my degree (it took longer because I was going through personal trials), and an additional 5 years working my way to a place which is reasonably comfortable. I feel safe (it’s a lovely Christian school where I can freely talk about my faith) and I genuinely enjoy teaching and I see it as my mission field. I’m scared with all the new developments of my deep passion for health, wellness and nutrition he’s going to just take me out of teaching straight away.
You see teaching in so many ways had become my identity. I was afraid that if I stopped teaching I would also lose my identity. Think about the first question someone asks when they first meet you. Yep, you’re right. “So what do you do?” While on teaching practicum I received this advice from my mentor: “It’s not WHAT you do but WHO you actually are?” I realised that I am not defined by what I do. Sure it’s important, but it does not define my identity.
THE BUILDING UP OF WALLS
Elle helped me realise that sometimes we have a plan for our own lives (and it goes like this…) and in doing so we erect big brick walls around ourselves. Walls that rob us of our God dreamed desires for our heart.
You see I had already taken the first step in breaking down my walls by enrolling in an Advanced Diploma in Naturopathy and Nutrition course. It was scary. My hands literally were shaking as I hit the ‘submit application’ button. I mean there’s a fair bit of Science involved and heck I’m a History and English teacher! But I was craving to use my creativity and writing skills more… Hence, this blog. Then my desires started to grow even more so I enrolled in the ‘Beautiful You Life Coaching Academy’ course.
WHAT WAS I DOING?
I was doing something that scared me… But it lit me up inside. And that is worth smiling about.
Do I still love teaching?
I just got an email from the relief teacher saying how much the kids missed me. And I melted…
So I don’t know about you but I’m looking forward to getting to know my authentic self. Now that I’m forced to be still due to my knee injury I have time to reflect and in turn heal.
What were the events leading up to you discovering your authentic self?
Are you still discovering your authentic self?
What walls need breaking down?
I’d love to know. Comment below.