When I’m driving in the car another personality comes out.
The one that drops the ‘F’ bomb when someone cuts me off, or the one that MAY speed up to the back of the person who had previously been tailgating me.
My anxiety is pretty good these days but the car brings out the worst in me.
Anyways, I pull up at a set of lights and there’s another ‘F’ bomb on the back of a white ute.
The sticker has a picture of a map of Australia and inside of the map it says ‘Fit in or F*ck off.’
The sense of justice is real in me.
The lights change.
I want to see what type of people would put a sticker like that on car. (Although, I could take a pretty good guess).
Oh wait, I mean ute. Aren’t ute drivers exempt for most things? (Like doing the right thing, right?)
I look inside the ute and I’m not surprised.
White men and wearing blue singlets and complete with mullets.
I kid you not.
Mother flipping mullets.
I was ranging on the inside.
And it wasn’t over the mullets.
Fit in or F*ck off hey?
Who are you to say that, considering you are not even an original inhabitant of this land?
It makes me so angry.
I’d like to say ‘angry birds angry’ but I don’t know anything about angry birds, apart from the fact I don’t like birds because of their creepy feet….
You know, cause I don’t want them to land on me…
But I digress…
You’ve tried to fit in haven’t you?
And it’s not working.
You’re feeling more anxious and shaky like those inflatable wavy hand men at those car sales places.
All over the shop, perhaps full of wind because you’re literally making yourself sick from waving your hands all over the place trying to please people.
You and I were NOT meant to fit in.
1 Peter 2:9 talks about how we are a ‘chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people.’
Yep. We’re peculiar.
Abnormal. Out of line. Weird.
Fitting in is frankly more boring and hurtful than those love and lighters who spiritually bypass.
You know, the ones that tell you that ‘the way you are is because you’ve called that into your life.’
I’m calling it out.
You’ve tried so hard to fit into Cinderella’s shoes but you’re more of a Doc Marten kinda girl.
(Psst. I’m a ‘I need orthotics in my grandma shoes’ kinda girl).
You follow that ‘guru’ but it just isn’t sitting right any more. I mean, why doesn’t she just realise the image of a person of colour getting lighter is dehumanizing?
And whyyyyy for the love of all things holy is she focussing on the hurt she felt instead of focussing on the hurt she caused…. Mmm
It just isn’t sitting right anymore.
But you want to fit in don’t you.
Your friend mocks that jumper you just bought because it’s ‘Ugly.’ (Yep, happened to me and I still bought it and it was my fav jumper until it died!)
You love blasting New Kids on the Block in the car (step by step….oooh baby….) while all your friends love Beyoncé.
All while wondering why no one has put a ring on it yet.
I mean, all your friends are getting married right?
Having kids.
Buying their first home.
Yet, you still are flatting it with a friend, backpacking around the world, and figuring out what the heck you even want to do with that thing people call a career.
You don’t fit in.
Thank goodness for that.
You’re amazing!
But you’re anxiety is getting the better of you.
It’s making you CHANGE that thing you love (you say ‘no’ to the jumper that you secretly looooove).
You STAY in that soul-sucking job so you can save up for a house, forgetting about all those awesome experiences abroad.
You get CAUGHT up in the chase.
You RUN from what is truly yours.
The ability to stand in your power and own the decision you just made.
What will it take for you to accept that ‘fitting in’ is not all it is cracked up to be?
It’s led to your social anxiety (what will people think of me?)
Perhaps striving so hard is making you physically sick (like that one time I got food poisoning and filled up 4 empty takeaway cups in my then boyfriend now husband’s car)…
It’s time to accept yourself and to move forward with confidence.
You could:
- Tell someone that ‘it isn’t going to work for you’ when they try to overstep your boundaries.
- You could do more of that activity you love. (Hello, Crossfit!)
- You could sing your heart out to New Kids on the Block AND NOT BE ASHAMED.
- Or buy the so called ‘daggy’ jumper.
- Perhaps speak up for those who are marginalised and on the fringes.
- Choose the ‘strange’ item on the restaurant menu despite what your friend says.
- Apply for that job that sparks a fire so big in you, that marshmallows are needed for roasting! Oooooh yeah!
If you’d like help with your need to fit in but want to do so in a way that helps you develop the confidence to do the things you ACTUALLY love then read my work with me package HERE. You’ll be guided through anxiety wellness tips like how to get out of the house, apply for that university course AND perhaps you’ll even get a haircut and get a real job 😉 *Starts singing and playing air guitar.*
I’d love to hear from you. How have you tried to fit in before? Tell me below.
Oh and one more thing.
You’re worth more than a turmeric latte in a keep cup.
