Recently, I had a troll attack my Instagram account about my anxiety tip ‘Understand your negative emotions.’
And they weren’t even like one of those friendly troll dolls we had back in the 90’s. (Remember how cool they were?)
This one was feeling ‘rage’ (her words) about how I ‘happiness wash’ anxiety because apparently a bright coloured background and butterflies on my branding.
In all honesty I teared up just a little. When I read it I felt attacked.
The butterflies to me symbolise hope and new beginnings, the bike in my logo means adventures, the tree all about growth and the girl on the swing is about playfulness and childlike wonder.
She said that it’s ok to sit with the dark feelings, that mud is ok, that lightning is ok…
And I agree….
But I also choose hope even in these situations. Yes, sit with the fear and be ok with it, yes, be sad and understand that it is ok to acknowledge and simply feel it without even doing anything with it…
But for me to not have hope?
Or to incorporate fun when fun had been missing for so long?
I think it is ok to feel the fear and sit with it,
I think it is ok to be sad and not know what to do.
I also think it is ok to have fun.
And to play.
And to hope….
So what do you do when these difficult people come your way?
Here are 2 tips on how you can deal with difficult people.
Non Personal Awareness.
This is a delivery awareness system that reminds you that whatever has happened is not personal. It’s based on that at the end of the day everything is energy. And it’s neither good or bad, but you end up judging something as good or bad and that’s where we make it personal. You can watch a good video about it HERE. So when you are doing a NPA it’s about recognising that whatever happened is in fact not personal.
To do an NPA you use the following script:
This (Insert word)
This energy of (insert word)
This pure energy of (insert word) is not personal.
This pure energy of (insert word) is not personal.
This pure energy of (insert word) is not personal.
And I’m willing to experience it.
So for the ‘insert word’ part you insert what it is that is triggering you. You may need to do a few NPA’s. For me I chose the word ‘troll,’ ‘unfair assumptions’ and also the Instagram name in another separate one.
So it would look like this:
This ‘Troll.’
This energy of ‘Troll’
This pure energy of ‘Troll’ is not personal.
This pure energy of ‘Troll’ is not personal.
This pure energy of ‘Troll’ is not personal.
And I’m willing to experience it.
Make sure you say it out loud and take time to contemplate and be with it at the end.
Anytime you feel triggered repeat the NPA using the word that resonates. You may not feel anything in the immediate but over time you will find it clears.
Establish Your Boundaries.
A healthy boundary is a step you put in place to soothe your anxiety trigger (in other words ‘difficult person’ and to preserve your energy. For example, with my troll, I blocked on the second time, I refused to keep feeding the troll by explaining myself. Now I have put a policy in place to block on the first go!
It is not ok for people to dump all over your public places. You wouldn’t allow them to physically dump on your lawn, don’t let them do that in your online spaces or wherever it is that the difficult person resides.
Simply ask yourself: What is ok? What is not ok for that person to do to me?
The answer might be ‘It’s not ok to keep showing up late when I have plans.’ It might be ‘I will not allow you to gossip the whole time we are catching up’ or ‘I won’t let you make comments about my weight.’
You can also establish a boundary by simply not giving your power away by using too many words. The above are some examples but if you want to take it a step further you can use the phrase ‘it’s not going to work for me.’ Sometimes, it is perfectly ok to not even give an explanation because difficult people often want power and when you over explain you give your power away.
Don’t do that.
They’ll keep walking all over you.
And that’s it, those were the 2 things I did that helped.
It wasn’t easy.
I know I was triggered because I felt like she made an ‘unfair assumption’ and I hated the feeling of ‘being silenced’ but I know that at the end of the day we’re all mirrors for someone.
I didn’t make her feel rage. Nobody can make you feel anything that isn’t already existing inside of you.
She felt rage because she was triggered by something that she needs to deal with (and vice versa, which I did address).
Do you want to find out more about how to deal with difficult people? I can help! Learn more HERE.
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