I’ll never forget those few words the counsellor said a month ago “Do you have such low self esteem that you are willing to give your power away?”
“I don’t have low self-esteem.” I muttered. “I coach women on that. I mean…maybe a little low self esteem…but I’d say it was just a little amount.” I stumbled over my words.
“Oh but you do. You nod your head a lot and I haven’t even finished my question. You want me to so desperately like you. You’re nodding your head in agreement without realising.” She continued.
“You’re also guarding your heart. You’re holding something back.”
Indeed I’ve been holding back over the many years.
// I worry about writing about my Christian faith because I don’t want people to think I’m weird or judgemental, yet so many Christians aren’t even that way.
// I’ve been worrying about people unsubscribing from my list because I so desperately want to be heard.
// I wonder if I write about my spiritual dryness or things that I’ve participated in that people will brand me some post-modern weirdo. I worry that people will question whether I have an authentic faith in God (P.S I do), whether I’ve become a New Ager (I haven’t). I worry what you all think.
// I worry about whether I can teach again after a year off on maternity leave.
// I wonder if anyone is reading my blog posts, materials or even caring?
// I wonder where my next coaching client will come from, knowing full well I love what I do but yet feeling as if I’m not an IT girl so therefore why would you want to coach with me.
// I stick to rules and formulas even though I say I am a spiritual rule breaker because I think deep down inside we teach what we most need to hear. Even though I have gone and broken the rules, (you know connected with God in ways that are unique to me), there are so many that I am still stuck in. Especially when it comes to running a business. I’ve tried all the formulas but now I’m going to start connecting with my higher purpose and what God wants me to do.
You feel it too don’t you? You hold back your truth every day. Someone invites you to that bar but you’d rather go to the Opera. You say “yes” anyways even though you know you’re going to dread the smell of the beer as they pour them into the pots and the off tune karaoke singers in the other corner. You’d much rather prefer the sweet shrills of the ladies singing Opera.
But you hide your truth because you worry about what people will think.
Perhaps you swear when around certain friends because you want to fit in, order that green juice even though you craaaave the Rocky Road smoothie or wear a skirt because someone told you that’s how you connect with the Divine Feminine.
I’m calling you out on it all.
What will it take to stand up for yourself (and to do it with grace)? How would you feel if you could actually name what makes you feel uncomfortable like “Your gossip about Josie makes me feel uncomfortable.” Rather than just dismissing the convo and saying “guys I don’t want to talk about it.”
See how different the second statement is? You’ve silenced yourself. By not telling your truth, you’ve lost your power.
Perhaps you nod your head at everything before the question has been finished.
Why?
Because you so desperately want to be liked.
Lovely, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalms 139:14).
I get that you have been hurt but you can’t just keep walking around being a version of you because of that hurt. (Well I guess you can, but I’m guessing it doesn’t feel good right?)
I’m tired of the girls in my sisterhood being worn down, trodden over and dismissed.
But girl you can totally claim your power as a princess. You do know you are a daughter of a king right? Not some prissy princess either. You’re a warrior princess who stands in her power because she knows who she is in God. He has called you by name. God who knows everything about you and loves your regardless.
Yet we worry about what others think about us.
How can you start speaking your truth?
Quit Apologising All The Time
When someone bumps you are you the one who ends up apologising? Do you apologise after you’ve stated your opinion? (Cause you’re so darn worried about hurting somebodies’ poor feelings?)
Know what you stand for and state it boldly.
Start doing the things you love and ditch the things that your hate doing
Ask yourself ‘What lights you up?’ and ‘What sucks the energy out of you?’
Do more of what you love and less of those energy suckers.
Get your divine download each day
Ask yourself “What does God want me to do/say/act on today?”
Recharge
When you are starting to feel negative ramp up your self care regime. It could be really simple. Lighting a candle, 10 deep breathes in and out, a bath, reading your fave book, even hermitting yourself for a short period of time.
Where have you not been standing in your truth? If you want to have that fire in your belly feeling when you’ve told someone your truth get on a call with me now. Change is in the air and I may not be offering 1:1 coaching as my main service in the new year (hello e-courses!). So if you want to snap up this opportunity and get on your way to standing up for yourself by giving people pleasing the boot email me: thebutterflyhouse@dianabraybrooke.com