I see you over there sitting on your couch, curled up under the blanket as your child watches another episode of Giggle and Hoot. Guilt washes over you like a tidal wave. You feel bad that you’ve left them in front of the t.v yet you only just played with them. You have the lego mark on the bottom of your feet to prove it.
It can be tough being anxious and a mum. The questions come for you continually ‘Am I going to screw up my child?’, ‘Is he going to ruin his eyes watching too much T.V’ and ‘Maybe I should just let him cry it out’ bombard your mind.
It doesn’t help that people around you are also asking questions of you. Questions that make you doubt your ability as a mum. Questions like “Is your child sleeping through?” “Oh you rock your child to sleep tsk tsk” or “Aren’t you putting them into day care yet? They need the socialisation.”
You feel your face flush. Often you don’t know what to say. Or you start justifying yourself to the person.
STOP RIGHT THERE.
First of all this is your reminder that you, yes YOU, are doing an amazing job as a mum.
Secondly, stop giving your power away by using too many words.
So often as mums we find ourselves justifying.
But what if by justifying we are actually giving your power away?
Here are 5 tips for you to survive mamahood and keep your power like the boss you are!
1) When people start to question you and you feel the need to justify with a response as long as the ‘I have a Dream’ speech by Martin Luther King Jnr stop. Put the tension back on them by asking ‘I noticed every time I am with you, you bring up Billy Bob’s sleep schedule. Why is that?’ Hold them to account. You will find that it’s not about you, it’s about what you do that triggers something in them. It’s not your responsibility to soothe them. It’s your responsibility to keep you safe. Perhaps journal: What are the 5 ways you give your power away? What are 5 ways you can take that power back?
2) Surrender. This is a hard one. I know that what I have found hard is I want to work on the biz or even enjoy my coconut milk chai latte before it goes cold and yet something will pop up with my son. Perhaps he’s woken up 5 mins after laying him down and I have to spend the next hour getting him down and I’ll get frustrated because I just want ‘me’ time. The more you surrender and resist the harder you make it on yourself. Sometimes it is best to simply let go of the work you had planned and to lay down next to your child.
3) Start saying ‘No’ to people. My favourite phrase to shut people down if they keep persisting is ‘It’s not going to work for me.’ You’ve told them without over explaining and giving your power away.
4) Do 1 thing for yourself before you do the chores. This one has been a game changer for me. I used to reward myself with the treat after something had been done but once I did something nice for myself I found I was more productive in the chores. The 1 thing doesn’t need to be time consuming. Some things I’ve chosen to do are: making a face mask using 1 tablespoon of honey and 3 drops of Lavender Essential oil put on face and read a book/magazine, made a warm drink in my favourite mug, sat outside on the deck and listened to a podcast or simply just soaked in the outdoors and putting a fresh bunch of flowers into a nice vase.
5) If your anxiety is getting the better of you – ask for help. A few hours of someone babysitting your child could make the world of difference to you coping. For me, I find I just need about 3 hours just to ground myself back down again. I thankfully have an amazing support network to help me.
If you’re not a mama you can still apply these tips to your life.
If you’re wanting to be more present like your child is when he/she discovers your chocolate stash why don’t you get on a call with me: firstname.lastname@example.org. Being present will allow you to recognise your anxiety triggers and will provide you with clarity of mind so you can make healthy decisions for you and your family.
Comment below: What tip are you going to implement this week? I’d love to hear from you. Please share using the buttons below if you loved the post.