As I sat on my verandah, staring out in the distance in a haze, I realised that I had done all that I could.
For over a year now I’ve been trying to get my energy back. I’d put it down to having a baby, hormones and sleep deprivation.
I tried natural remedies, counselling, exercise and eating well.
And although they worked I still felt exhausted. Like, I didn’t have any energy to muster daily tasks on some days.
So as I sat there looking out in the distance I wrestled with ‘should I go back on medication.’
Ohhhh, it’s so easy to write about isn’t it? It was so easy for me to write about how you should embrace all modalities.
But when crunch came to crunch, I struggled.
Why?
Well I’d tell myself everything was great. I mean everything is going well in my life right?
Or I’d look at the research done by Dr Caroline Leaf and her work on neuroplasticity. I mean, I watched her videos about anti-anxiety medications and her theory on chemical imbalances. She’d said that the research on that was shady. That we were not chemical stew.
And here’s the thing. I remember what it was like on medication. Sure I felt tired sometimes but my resilience was a heck of a lot higher.
So here I am 3 days in from taking 15 mg of Avanza. And you know what I’m ok.
Taking medication doesn’t mean I’ve failed. Trust me, I’ve already gone over that one in my head.
I’ve had the most wonderful sleep in a long time. I actually feel rested.
I don’t know about you beauty but the first thing to go when I have anxiety is my sleep.
I know I have a lot on my plate. I teach 2 days a week, study, run a household and I have beautiful coaching clients (my heart is so full for having you on board). I’ve also had some hits of late and I don’t think I need to go into them right now.
What I do know is that I am unravelling a lot through counselling and if I need medication, that’s ok.
Does that mean I can’t coach or perform my various roles? Absolutely not. I am sound of mind.
HOWEVER, it means I will be taking the next 6 months to really ramp up my self care. I plan to nourish my body with foods that will help me on this anxiety journey and I’ll say ‘no’ to things that don’t need to be in my calendar. I’ll soothe and encourage my soul with the word of God and music that will uplift my spirit. I’ll gather my sisterhood around me when I feel like I have nothing else to give. I’ll write from the bottom of my heart. I’ll share the shadows and the light.
So lovely one, today this is more for me to share my journey but in doing so to encourage you if you are really struggling to please seek help.
Going on medication is ok.
//You have not failed.
//You are not broken.
//You don’t need fixing.
Be kind on yourself. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes. Imagine feeling rested. You can get through the day without feeling jittery. Without the overwhelming thoughts and to-do list.
It’s a glorious feeling huh?
Lean in lovely.
It starts with the simple acknowledgment ‘I need help.’
It is safe for you to ask for help. You are safe in this very moment.
Comment below I’d love to know: What area of your life do you need help with today?
And if you’d love help I’m here for you. Email me: thebutterflyhouse@dianabraybrooke.com. I’m here to guide you back to that place where you can make decisions that feel nourishing. How good would it be to have energy again? To start loving life again? To know how to say ‘no’ to the things in your calendar that make you feel closed in. Isn’t it time? Let’s chat.
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