You’re here because you’re anxious. I get it. Your mind just won’t switch off. It’s like episode after episode of Big Bang Theory, it just keeps going (if you live in Australia you’ll know they have been playing repeat after repeat). Or the Energizer Bunny. It just keeps going and going…
Well I’m going through my 3rd cold in most recent weeks and I’ve also lost my voice. It is frustrating to say the least. I don’t want to harp on about it week after week on the blog but at the same time I feel like I’m supposed to learn this one vital lesson:
Yep. I’m not good at that. In fact I’m typing this while unwell because in my pretty little anxious mind I’m like ‘I’ve got to be consistent. I have to get this out there.’ (The other part is genuine. I want to write. In fact this is part therapeutic).
Perfectionist right? High standards.
And right at the heart of it all I know that I have used work to cover up my emotions. So much so it has now become an ingrained habit.
That in itself is not communicating authentically to myself.
I know I work because I want to be seen and heard.
Hands up if you know what I mean?
Feel like you’ve lost your voice? (My husband keeps referring to me ‘yes Godfather.’) Do you shirk when someone says something that you don’t agree with? Do you just listen and then process it in your head and then wish you had said something?
You want to be seen and heard…
But you don’t want to hurt their feelings right?
So you throw yourself into your work, faster than a pitcher at a baseball game.
And I can hear you all now telling me ‘what’s with all the woo woo authentic talk?’
I mean how can being authentic actually help you? What the heck does it even mean?
- It means you stand in your power because you know you were created by God. Amazing, wonderful, whole, and talented.
- Being authentic means you know your truth. Knowing your truth (and not being fakey mc fake pants), makes you want to get up each and every day and head off into your day because you flipping love your job.
- Being authentic allows you to communicate your needs and wants with people in an unsmarmy way. You are respected for speaking up and you feel less anxious in your day. Winning.
Here are 3 ways to have authentic conversations (even when your mind is so noisy!)
Use your ‘I feel’ statements. When you start throwing your ‘you never…’ statements around notice how it riles the other person up? When I have used an ‘I feel…’ statement I have never had someone start getting angry back at me. They might be frustrated initially but more often than not my experience is I’ve been given an apology.
Name the emotion
Don’t distant yourself from the emotion. Own your feelings, instead of dancing around them. Name the emotion: I feel sad, angry, hurt, happy, frustrated…
I love this quote by Connie Chapman in her interview about leading authentically and the relief of being real. She says:
It is more important to me to be fully self-expressed than it is to be loved and accepted. Allowing ourselves to express our thoughts and feeling freely is a deep form of self-love and should be practiced at every opportunity.
Don’t use your anxiety as an excuse.
Yep I’ve done it before where I’ve just gone ‘don’t you understand it’s my anxiety’ when reality is yes my anxiety may be coming into play but I still have responsibility for the choices I make.
Yes, my anxiety makes me feel as if I have to work constantly HOWEVER, I can choose to employ my other coping strategies if I will allow it. My anxiety can be rambling all my sentences together when explaining something to another person BUT I could choose to process the situation first in my journal before discussing it with them.
Some coping strategies for authentic communications:
- Journal – write down how a particular person or situation is making you feel. What is it or are they triggering in you?
- Quiet Contemplation/Meditation – If you’re anxious you’ll know how hard meditation can be. I assure you though the more you practice stillness, the more it will help you in your communication with others. Start with a guided meditation if needed. I’ve got one coming up in the Freebie Vault very soon. (Sign up in the v.i.p box at the end of this post).
- Using aromatherapy when feeling stressed. I find lavender helps put me into a peaceful state and lowers my jitters.
If you feel like you need help communicating authentically to people then why don’t you get on a call with me? How would it feel to be able to go to work, sit in a meeting and actually feel like you can vocalise your distaste of the new work hours (and express effectively your reasons why). Email me: firstname.lastname@example.org
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