The 4 ways you’re screwing yourself over (and how to break through the blocks that are holding you back).

EmotiveImages_141029_Diana_WEB_046This year has been cracking me open in so many ways. I’ve had to learn new ways of doing things since having my baby Flynn 4 months ago. You see, he doesn’t care if I want to meditate first thing in the morning because he’s hungry and he wants his food now! (And by food I mean, I’m the food source). I want to work on the blog but Flynn’s having a good old chat on the play mat to his toys and I’m torn because I also want to join him there and delight in the simple things, just like him.

And it’s easy to look back on what was. The independent life. It’s easy to dwell there. To get frustrated and long for the old you. You look at the new you and you’re trying to figure out how to blend it with the old you. You want to move forward but you’re stuck. You sabotage yourself. The old rules just ain’t working for you anymore. Your sparkle has been dulled. Something happened to you and it’s rattled you to the core. Or perhaps you’re just in an entirely new season and the newness of it all is hard to navigate.

YOUR 4 BLOCKS

:: YOU THROW YOURSELF A PITY PARTY

You’re stuck in the past. You don’t know how to move forward. The good old days were back there and you’re longing for their return. Right now sucks. You want to rush through this season.  But what if this is exactly what you need to grow? What if this ‘stretching’ was designed to help you release the things that you are attached to? Address your attachments and look at what you have tied your happiness, self-worth and identity up with it. What external circumstances? Usually the pity party has come about because the external has been taken away.

BREAK THROUGH BLOCK BUSTER: Acknowledge the feelings that are coming up for you. It’s ok to feel your feelings. Address the external circumstances that you are attached to and find other ways to tap into the feeling that is attached to the external circumstance. To give you an example I was really struggling with how a particular friendship was going. It meant a lot to me and I just couldn’t let go. Thinking deeply on it I realised that deeper than the initial feelings of loss was the fact that she understood me. So I started to look at ways I could get that for myself. I could feel understood by talking things out with a coach, learning more about myself through journaling and looking through the patterns, or by not avoiding the feeling and releasing it through prayer.  What do you need to do to have a break through external circumstance?

:: ‘I CAN’T’ IS IN YOUR VOCABULARY

You look at all the ways why something is not possible. You’re usually that half glass full kinda person. And not because you’re mean spirted but because that’s reality right? The world is out to get you. But that’s not all of you. Some of you are holding onto the old stories. Someone may have laughed at your attempt to high jump in high school (ok that was me…and it really hurt when I landed on the bar with my hoo ha), or maybe you were bullied. Maybe your finances are holding you back from going on that mindfulness retreat. (I mean you do need to pay your bills right?)  These are all legitimate reasons why you feel like you can’t accomplish your dream. Sometimes we’re even fearful because what it is you want to invest in or participate in is really super important to you.  So how do you break through?

BREAK THROUGH BLOCK BUSTER: Journal the following questions and see what comes up for you. What is getting in your way? What is your biggest fear about that? What could happen if you changed your mind? How could you simplify that?

:: YOU GIVE UP WHEN IT’S TOO HARD

You’ve tried and tried and it’s not working for you. You’ve poured your time and energy into something and perhaps people are complaining or you are not seeing the visible rewards. (BUT, often people are watching or there are breakthroughs but you just can’t see it in the immediate). In fact you are tired. So you give up. What do you need to do to pick yourself back up again?

BREAK THROUGH BLOCK BUSTER: Seek validation through your own internal measures rather than the external. How do you feel when you’ve done x,y,z? Not what others say they feel about what you’ve done. Did you feel good when you did it? Then why does it matter what other people think? (We’re seeking external not internal typically). How can you sink into that feeling of success for yourself without looking to others and outcomes?

Now is the time to build up your self-care rituals as well. What do you like to do for you? Reward yourself with your favourite treat, a facial, a walk in the park. Something that makes you feel the most you and feels the most restorative.

:: YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS

I am so guilty of this. I’ll look at another blog and look at how pretty theirs is or compare my Facebook likes to someone else’s and equate it with success. I mean ‘that coach has been doing it for less than me and she has 1000 likers!

And you do it too don’t you? You look at that person’s Instagram with jealous eyes, or flick through that magazine and covet their street style.

What I do know is that:

Everything is unfolding perfectly for you.

Your journey is different to the person next to you. The lessons you need to learn is going to be different to the woman sitting next to you on the train. Comparing yourself is not recognising your unique journey and the lessons that are especially for you.

BREAK THROUGH BLOCK BUSTERS:

  • Write down what you think are your 3 strengths.  Next to each one write down 3 action steps to boost those strengths further. Celebrate your uniqueness.
  • Go through the activities in my free e-book ‘Guide to feeling Secure and Sure.’  You do need to sign up for the newsletter to get this goodie. (I promise I won’t spam you. I usually only send out a newsletter once a week).
  • Write down affirmations for yourself and put them in a prominent place where you can remind yourself of them. Affirmations like ‘I am wonderfully made,’ ‘I am safe’ and ‘I was created for a beautiful purpose.

 

If you feel like you are sabotaging yourself with these 4 blocks and feel stuck I would love to help you get unstuck. A life coach will keep you accountable and will ask just the right questions to get you moving in action. For details on my packages head to my ‘Work with Me Page’ or email your expression of interest to: thebutterflyhouse@dianabraybrooke.com  I’d love to hear from you.

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How are you screwing yourself over without realising it? How do you plan to break through those blocks?  Comment below I would love to hear from you. Please share using the buttons below if you loved the post. 

 

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Diana is a spirituality life coach who works with anxious women who want to say ‘yes’ more. She knows what it feels like to be in a place of darkness – to not know yourself and where your inner light went – and how to move forward once you come out the other side. With seven years experience as a high school teacher, Diana asks the right questions to guide you into a deep acceptance of who you are helping you see your true beauty. You can learn more about Diana and get instant access to the Freebie Vault (free e-books, guides, prayers + toolkits), when you sign up on the V.I.P list. You can also send an email to Diana at: thebutterflyhouse@dianabraybrooke.com.

  • Kimberley Moir

    Reading this blog post was so timely. I’ve definitely been struggling with “the good ole days” instead of seeing the amazing things God is actually doing right now. I’ve been complaining instead of praising Him. Life is way better now. Journaling the questions really helped change my perspective. Thanks!

    • http://www.dianabraybrooke.com/ Diana Braybrooke

      Glad it helped and you got to go through the journal prompts. There’s also some good ideas in the secure in sure book. (Click on the link in the newsletter). It’s all about embracing the changes and a new perspectives. It’s ok to think on the past but rather than dwell there look at ways to use what we learnt from then to move forward. Thanks for commenting lovely.