I’ve been working pretty hard over the past 2 weeks developing ‘Your Guide to Being Secure & Sure.” Below is just a snippet of what is inside the guide. To get access to the guide I would love for you to sign up as a newsletter subscriber. I promise you I won’t spam you! I write once a week and it comes out on a Tuesday. I hope that my newsletter subscribers who have it in their hot little hands are loving it. Stay tuned for prize giveaways for participating in the challenge!
The Security Challenge
Oh my. Within days of starting this project I had some massive inner mean girl moments. Something unexpected had happened and it really made me doubt my ability as a leader.
I played this dialogue over in my head:
‘I must really suck as a leader.’
‘I must not be very popular.’
‘I’m not very spiritual anyways.’
”My opportunity to serve has been taken away. I must have done something wrong.’
You have this same dialogue too huh? You have these moments where you feel insecure, lost, and not needed.
So what do you do with those moments of doubt? What do you do when the inner mean girl makes her appearance? And is being secure a feeling, behaviour or belief?
I believe it’s important to note that you can still be secure but not feel secured and you can feel secured and not be secure. Confused?
Let’s see what we can do about that.
Is it a Feeling?
I believe being secure most definitely is something you can feel. Think about what security means to you (you’ll get to do that in the journalling activity later). How does it feel to be secure? When did you feel the most secure? And in moments of doubt how can you tap into that feeling of security?
You see as soon as I mentioned these questions you are taken back to a moment in time when you felt the most secure. Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist labels security as a basic need. He believes that if you don’t feel secure then you can’t move onto higher levels like love and self actualisation. And that does suck doesn’t it? In short, security can definitely be a feeling.
The Oxford Dictionary states security as:
The state of feeling safe, stable + free from fear or anxiety.
What can you do to feel safe, stable and free from fear and anxiety?
Is it a Behaviour?
Absolutely! Security is a behaviour as well as a feeling. You can be secure in who you are by being confident in how you dress, speak and act. You could also do certain things to be secure. For you that might be by owning a house, saying prayers or through meditation. (It will be different for all of you). Also the behaviour of say being a home owner may be it provides security for your future however, you may not feel secure until you’ve paid it off in its entirety. We can also secure a particular emotion. Eg Wecan secure peace by doing certain things that make us feel peaceful.
Is it a Belief?
Security can also be a belief. As a Christian I believe I am secured in a God who loves me. There are many Bible passages that actually affirm my security as a person and in Him. For you, you may have a belief that your parents will come through for you in the good and bad times. If you go through airport security you generally have a belief that you are safe because you have gone through certain security measures before getting on the plane.
You can believe you are secure when you walk from your lecture room to the car because you have a black belt in karate. (Doesn’t mean it’s true. It’s just that you have belief in your mad skills!)
Well Meaning Friends who say the wrong things
Have you heard these 2 phrases before?
:: Don’t be soooo insecure! Let it go!
I think it is a shame people use simplistic phrases like the ones mentioned (and I know they mean well), because being secure and feeling secure is not as easy as ‘just letting it go.‘ And depending on why we’ve been feeling insecure it can be a long process. Also I don’t think these feelings ever go away, but rather when they pop up, we can address those insecurities in a way that is healthy and nourishing to us as individuals.
What works for one person in helping them feel secure, won’t help another person. I validate what you are saying. You feel insecure. That’s ok. Sink into that feeling. Where is it coming from? Why do you feel that way? Is someone making you feel that way? Have you learnt this from the past? As Marianne Williamson said at the workshop I went to recently ‘I feel it but I will not act it out.‘ If I feel insecure, I will not act it out. Instead I can make security a choice. Marianne Williamson said ‘Start by praying God take my insecurity away from me.‘ Too often we’re told to sweep our emotions under the rug. Or in the Christian realm we can often be told ‘but it says not to worry in the Bible.’
However, we are only human and that’s ok. It also says to ‘cast your cares upon him for he cares for you.‘ (1 Peter 5:7). There’s power in feeling and even sharing these emotions with someone you feel safe with. You have permission to feel what you feel. You cannot just wave a wand and get over it but rather it is a process…
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