How are you all this week? I was feeling the love a lot last week. So many of you told me how much you loved the post last week. Thank you for being so encouraging. As a solopreneur it can sometimes get a little lonely being behind the screen. The Butterfly House has been such a labour of love, so it has been nice to hear from you all.
On Facebook I asked what are some pregnancy resources that you really loved. When I wrote the post last week I really had books and courses in mind. My lovely mother in law mentioned that:
A good understanding husband ( or partner) is a big help especially when you’re tired, stressed, a little down or just wanting to go for coffee with friends and have some time to yourself.
And oh how I agree. Having a supportive spouse has been amazing!
So today I’m going to share some lessons in love since it’s been Valentine’s Day and all. I know that this time of year can suck for the singles in the group. Been there! So I have a few tips for you as well!
5 Lessons Learnt about Love
# 1 Self Love- One way you can be supportive to your spouse/partner/friends/family is to actually look after yourself so you can be of better support to others. I gave a talk a couple of months ago at a mother’s group about being “More than just a mum.” In it I suggested that when the children are asleep, BEFORE you go and put that load of washing on, or start busying yourself just spend one minute doing something loving for yourself. It could simply be to have a seat and take 10 deep nourishing breathes in and out, or to put on your favourite perfume. Just ONE minute to truly be mindful.
# 2 Don’t write other people off - You may have been burnt by a friend or a previous relationship but it doesn’t mean everyone is out to get you or that there are not genuinely nice people out there. Yes, have boundaries and standards but listen to your instinct. People do care, and they want to help and be supportive but they can’t if you don’t let them in.
# 3 Get out of the rut!- When you’ve been with someone awhile or you’ve been single for a while it’s easy to get into a rut. What could you do to rekindle that love back into your life? For the couples, could it be simply a change in routine in the morning? Could you spend an extra five mins having a snuggle?
For the singles, could it be going to a cooking class on your own (gasp!)? When I became single again after five years of being in a relationship I found it really hard to cook a meal just for myself. I associated cooking with sitting down with my significant other and setting the table lovely and doing life. Post break up, I hated cooking. I actually lost a lot of weight and it took years to finding my way back home. That’s why I mentioned the cooking class. It could be the one loving thing you do for yourself to nurture and nourish your body and spirit.
# 4 Forgive and Let Go- A lot of people have this mentality that I can forgive but I won’t forget. Of course you’re not going to forget! And people who say this to you are not fairly letting you validate your feelings. In other words, it is OK TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS.
Some of you have gone through extreme trauma or circumstances where you will never forget what happened to you. Forgiveness and letting go is not about forgetting.
It’s about not letting that ‘thing‘ control you any more.
I am big on boundary setting. Nothing wrong with setting a boundary and saying ‘this does not make me feel safe, therefore I do not give you permission to step over the line.‘ But harbouring unforgiveness in your spirit just feeds it in such a way that it can keep you bogged down, angry and bitter.
I have someone in mind who does not like me. It all started out with a misunderstanding. I had invited someone to something (prayfully and intuitively) and because I hadn’t specifically asked them they have been upset ever since. (I would have happily had them come along had they asked). As a result, I have felt bullied at times. When I spoke to a counsellor about it she mentioned “You haven’t done anything wrong. Think about it like this. It must not feel nice to feel that way about you all these years. See her the way Christ sees her.” From that moment I saw a lonely and bitter young lady, with a set of her own issues that I have no idea about, struggling through life. I still have boundaries with this person. I will not allow this person to make me feel bad but I do forgive her and extend grace even though it’s difficult at times.
# 5 Speak the other person’s love language.
There’s a great book I love by Dr Gary Chapman called “The Five Love Languages.” The premise is that there is a particular way we give out love and the way we receive love. You can read more about the five on the link. My one is “Quality Time.” I love hanging out with people. You will often find me organising times to meet with you at a coffee shop, or a park. Dave and I are always doing ‘stuff’ together on the weekends in particular.That’s how I express and receive love.
Dave on the other hand is “Words of Affirmation.” He thrives on encouragement! So I have to make sure that instead of giving out ‘Quality Time‘ all the time, that I am affirming him daily. Of course “Quality Time’ naturally becomes a part of affirming in so many ways. I have to say though I see Dave giving out his love as ‘Acts of Service.’ He loves to do things for people.
The problem can happen when say a person may be continually buying stuff for the other person thinking that is love but the other person would give anything for them to bring the washing off the line or do the dishes (thus, their love language being ‘Acts of Service‘). Speaking someone’s love language effectively can make the world of difference.
If you want to know more about the “Five Love Languages” you can click on the link above and do a quiz. See which one you are! It’s a great insight.
So I hope you enjoyed these 5 tips. What are some lessons in love you’ve learnt? If you loved the post share using the buttons below and comment! I’d love to get a conversation started. Also I’m nearly finished with my free opt-in. It’s going through the editing phase now. If you’d like to get access to this you’ll need to sign up to my newsletter using the box above. I’m super excited about it!