You suck sometimes.
You make me think that I’m not popular or important. This sees me checking my blog posts, newsletter subscriber list and social media on a daily basis. You make me want to see if people like my work. You make me feel like I have to be validated in order to be doing the important work.
Sometimes I want to give up on what I do. I mean, I have been working my butt off after all. Working and not having overly a lot of fun, well, it isn’t fun. The poetry I write these days is all about stillness and craving quiet, yet you provide noise. So much noise.
Oh hey there gorgeous.
You with the big dreams.
Dreams like leaving your soul sucking job and learning how to make artisan coffee. Even as you think about it you can smell the Arabica beans in the air. It smells so divine, like Christmas, every day.
You can see yourself with your own cute little hipter café, with doilies and daisies in old jam jars.
You’re sitting on the couch with a giant block of chocolate, flicking through channels on T.V and in the ad breaks you’re scrolling through social media.
You know something feels strange in your body but you dismiss it.
You want to get stuff done and you feel like nothing you are doing is good enough.
So you sit on the couch, chocolate in hand, constantly moving from ‘Married at First Sight’ to Facebook (you’re liking everything you see), and then to Instagram images of picture perfect images of girls in bikinis in exotic locations. You’re wishing you had a body like them, and longing for a tropical holiday of your own.
Sometimes you wonder, what’s the point?
Fi Mims Photography
“Knowing yourself deeply has nothing to do with whatever ideas are floating around in your mind. Knowing yourself is to be rooted in Being, instead of lost in your mind. “ Eckhart Tolle
Over the past year I’ve really grown as a person through the work I do with seeing a psychotherapist. You see I’ve made a good job at making my identity in WHAT I do, instead of understanding that it is simply just WHO I am.
If that seems a little strangely worded, let me put it this way…
I’ve put a lot of my self-worth in the hands of receiving awards. I love the thrill of getting acknowledged for doing a great job, I love reading comments on my social media posts and I adore reading your emails that you send me.
These things have become an addiction over the years. Working hard for the next prize or acknowledgement.
The wildflowers stand tall,
Their faces turned towards the sun.
Their petals stretched forth, giving praise to their maker.
They don’t busy themselves.
They’re planted firm.
They may swing gently back and forth in the breeze but they are not shaken.
Their roots dig down deep.
Apparently I’m degrading and negative.
Ummm, ok Facebook executives up in your fancy offices.
As I sat with my Facebook ad, something I had been procrastinating for months on, I finally designed a beautiful advert with some text inviting beauties like you to learn more about your anxiety and how to alleviate it.
Cause, you know alleviating anxiety feels as good as my artisan coffee from some cool as hipster café while playing Jenga with my 2 year old. It tastes smooth, strong and there’s an element of fun on the side.
So Facebook claims that I was being degrading by using the phrase ‘What are your anxiety triggers?’ Apparently it makes yo all feel like I’m serving you the Nescrappe’ coffee from a jar rather than the smooth as Organic Roasted coffee made in Byron under the sweat of a thousand hipsters.
I like to experiment.
Like the one time my friends dared me to eat as many Fantales (that’s like an Aussie sticky caramel lolly for the non Aussies). Now on its own, probably not a problem.
But I had braces on my teeth and for those of you who have gone through the pain staking (but oh how cool, let’s choose awesome elastic band colours to go onto them stage), you know that you aren’t supposed to eat lollies.
Orrrrr maybe it’s because you may just clamp your jaw shut as tight as your mum’s wallet.
And you may be on a train heading to a camp site.
Hey hey gorgeous,
What’s been happening?
Last week’s resource on ‘The new way to focus at work and at home’ was quite popular with you ladies. It’s so easy to get distracted isn’t it? One moment you’re off to find a pen in the other room, and then the fridge calls out to you with the left over chocolate brownie inside of it, which then leads to making yourself a delicious coffee and then binge watching Netflix.
I sooooo get it.
I’ve been putting strategies in place this year to help me feel much more bliss and less of a workaholic. I’m 2 weeks into my TECH FREE SUNDAY and it feels good. I have found my Sunday has gone much longer and I’m having far more fun.
So what’s been happening in your world? Are you feeling bliss and less of a workaholic?
Or are you struggling?
The alarm goes off, you cringe.
Fumbling for your phone you swipe on the snooze button.
Just 5 more minutes please.
And despite the fact you can’t go to sleep, because you’ve got first day back at work after hols anxious vibes jumping around inside of you, like that time you were jumping into the pool on hols.
Just wanting to get away from the heat of the day.