So I’ve been running my coaching business for just over 2 years now and in that time I’ve felt bouts of envy towards other coaches. You know the kind of envy that you get when you’re procrastinating on working towards your dream because it all seems too much and then you torture yourself further by going through their Instagram pages gobsmacked at that perfect downward dog on the beach just as a wave is crashing nearby.
They’re sooooooooo damn perfect!
Why is it they seem to get all the attention?
Then the questions start coming doesn’t it?
Is it because I’m not cool enough, drink enough green juice or use the right filter on my Instagram photos?
And perhaps you start equating it with your worth?
I suck at this gig. I must not be good at x,y,z.
Or maybe you even start rationalising and thinking ill will towards the other person.
You know ‘it’s probably because she has that sob story that they like her. If I had that happen, people would flock to me.’
And you start the sabotaging behaviour: scrolling mindlessly through social media and seeing what THEY are up to, putting off doing your own work, and simply just playing small. You stop studying that thing you love or you put up with crappy conditions at work all because you start believing that maybe you really aren’t as good as that person you’ve been envying.
Here’s the thing.
Your mind is always looking for ways to justify why it believes what it believes.
I’ll give you an example.
Imagine you enter an item in the baking competition at the local show. You love baking right. It feels good; like that time you savoured your fav artisan coffee at that hipster café. You’ve trialled the recipe before; it’s smooth and reminds you of those awesome times at your nana’s house.
So you’re vibing it as you’re baking. You’ve tasted the batch and it tastes flipping amazing.
You get there and you see all the other cakes on display. There’s like flipping marble glass glaze on their cake. It’s so shiny and smooth you can see the look of horror on your face reflecting back at you.
You see the contestant over there with her perfect hair and cute dress complete with those super cute Peter Pan collars.
Doubt creeps in.
Her cake is better than mine, she’s more popular than me and on and on you go with the dialogue. She’ll win for sure as she serves on most of the show committees and even has her own podcast!
Sure enough the girl wins and you say ‘See I told you so. I knew I wouldn’t win.’
It becomes a self-proclaimed prophesy and you created it and got exactly what you imagined.
What if you changed those thoughts when the doubt crept in?
When you are comparing yourself to another you’re actually lowering your self-esteem and your confidence levels.
When you’re feeling envious of someone it is a mirror to your soul. Did you know that when you look at someone else in an envious way it means they have something you want? That something is obtainable for you but you just need a little courage to get you there.
So this is what you can do to move forward into a more self compassionate space rather than a space of envy and lack:
Look at what it is they are triggering in you.
What is it specifically that they have that you want?
Ask yourself – How can I get that for myself?
Then do it.
It could be simply you want to feel seen and heard.
Ok. So where do you want to be seen and heard? Do you want to write an article? Or perhaps you want to paint your little heart out and you have this deep planted desire to open an art gallery.
So you start by writing the article or by painting.
The next thing you can do is when you have your quiet time or meditation time surround that person in loving kindness.
You can simply have an image of that person brought to your mind and say ‘May you be happy. May you be healthy and whole. May you have warmth and protection surrounding you. ‘
Maybe you may even need to have an image of yourself brought up and have this phrase said over you.
Your anxiety may be telling you that you suck, your friends don’t like you and that you’ll never be good enough to win that competition or even get your license or perhaps a partner.
Start by looking at the trigger and do work around that trigger.
You’ve got this.
If you want to address your envy triggers so that you can move forward into the new year making steps towards your dream job, getting out and about and social again or perhaps just learn how to stop your seeking and striving patterns that are making you feel exhausted then get on a call with me: firstname.lastname@example.org